Hello
J.:
I'm sorry
to hear about your school troubles J. -- hopefully some of my suggestions
below might help.
You mentioned
that the 'interfering' girl doesn't know you have OCD, but you want
her to 'remember' how easily you can get upset. You have to realize
how difficult it is for people to understand what people with OCD need
if they don't KNOW you have OCD. This girl may never have heard of OCD
before, and may not know at all what it feels like. All she's used to
is what HER brain feels like. For her, things may not get "stuck"
in her head as they do in yours, making her very angry or upset, so
she doesn't get why YOU get angry or upset. She might just think you
are a mean or angry person who is not a very good friend, which isn't
fair to you at ALL!
It's up
to you, then, to teach her and to teach other kids in the class what
it's like. Maybe you have a project coming up in class (a speech or
a play, for example) where you could educate everyone about OCD. Something
I do lots of times is to ask people if they've ever had a song stuck
in their head (most have), and what that feels like. Most will say it's
frustrating, and that the more it bothers them, and the more they think
about it, the worse it gets. Some might say they try to do something
else to distract themselves from it, or pretend it doesn't bother them
so it doesn't stay "stuck" as long. Things like this are kind
of like OCD, except not as severe, and can help people 'get' OCD a little
better. Once this happens, you may find that people will remember better
because NOW THEY KNOW. And anyone who doesn't remember might get reminded
by others. And anyone who doesn't care will look pretty mean themselves.
In terms of your friend, probably the worst thing you can do is try
too hard to MAKE her be your friend again. It never works, because you
can never force someone to feel a certain way. In fact, the harder you
try the more you might push her away. This 'interfering' girl may be
getting more of her attention right now because she is a new friend,
but that doesn't mean that over time your friend won't go back to spending
more time with you too. It is possible that your friend will decide
to be good friends with BOTH of you, and so things might be a little
different than they used to be. But not in a bad way. Once this 'interfering'
girl knows you better, she may not end up being that awful. On the other
hand, if the 'interfering' girl continues to be mean to you after you
explain OCD to her your friend may decide that she doesn't like the
'interfering' girl that much anymore because of how she is treating
you.
One last
thing I'll say: right now you are thinking alot about how YOU are missing
out on your friend. It is even more important to think about the fact
that your friend is missing out on YOU! Think about all your good qualities,
and how your friends are just as lucky to be around YOU as you are to
be around them! If your friend WERE to decide that she doesn't want
to keep being friends with you, well then she really wasn't that good
of a friend anyway! Believe that you deserve good treatment and that
you are a good friend to have -- anyone who doesn't realize that suffers
the loss of not getting to be near you, and you won't waste your time
putting effort into people who haven't figured that out. Maybe YOU'LL
decide that YOU want a new best friend because someone else realizes
more than your old friend how great it is to be around you!!
I'm rooting
for you!
Dr. Dunc.
