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Life's A Twitch! Celebrating 15 years.
1998 - 2018
Life's A Twitch! Celebrating 15 years.

 

Question 55: A little problem has come up at our local chapter meetings that I wonder if I can get your input on. C. comes with his Mom to our TS chapter meetings and sits with the adults in the room where we are having our discussion. If I start talking to new families about in-services and how they can help, C. will pipe up and disagree with me that they do not work. He has done this two meetings in a row. I took him aside after the meeting to ask him about this, and he said they do not work, and will continue to tell families this if I bring it up.

I talked to his Mom about this tonight, and said I had a problem with this, and she got right pissed off, saying they haven't worked in his case, and....that he should tell people this.

What mixed messages are we giving families if this is going to happen? I don't want to fall into the same trap as schools and tell him that he better find something to do in the other room during our adult meetings. Am I totally off-base and out in left field about my concerns here? G.B., ON, Canada.


Good Morning G.B.:

I don't believe you to be totally "off-base" at all my friend -- these are SUPPORT meetings that C. is attending and simply stating that inservices are of no use is not only UNsupportive, but distorted to the point of being false. I agree with you that EVERY inservice done by EVERY individual may not always be ENTIRELY successful, but to overgeneralize in the way that you describe robs new families of exploring a potentially very powerful tool -- at the very least it can undermine the effectiveness of any inservice these new families DO try because they "do not get their hopes up".

This situation is worse if C. is a "veteran" member of your group. The opinions of such individuals -- considered to be the voice of experience and also quite possibly the first voice this family has heard on the subject -- are going to carry considerable weight with new members. Hence, "veteran" members have a responsibility to ensure that what they say is fair, balanced, well thought out, and constructive. If for whatever reason they are not capable of doing so, their presence in the role of 'supporter' is damaging to others, and not welcome.

You report that C.'s mom says that inservices did not work IN C'S CASE, and that he should be free to say this. Of course he is. However I gather that this is NOT what C. is saying -- instead he is blurting out that inservices IN GENERAL do not work. The difference between these two statements is extreme, and needs to be made clear to C's mother. C's mother might also be encouraged to think about WHY in her son's case were the inservices not successful -- if she can put her finger on a couple of reasons then it would be entirely appropriate (and helpful) for her or C. to talk about those in the support group: following a discussion of the value of inservices, either of them could then go on to say that, in their experience, THE FOLLOWING THINGS MAY UNDERMINE THE EFFECTIVENESS OF AN INSERVICE (e.g. style of delivery, length of inservice, opportunity for children to ask questions, whole staff versus one teacher, etc.). Hence learn from our mistakes -- make sure that when YOUR inservice is done you avoid the following pitfalls so that YOUR experience is even better than OURS was.

I think the final thing that I would want to emphasis to C. is that it is a PRIVILEGE for him to sit with the grown-ups in their monthly support meeting. If he can grasp the above, and live with conducting himself in that way, then he is most welcome to continue interacting with the adults. Otherwise he has one of three choices: sit quietly in a supportee rather than a supporter role, spend time in the children's room, or not attend at all.

I hope this helps! This is most certainly a sticky situation for you to be in, and I think you are smart to be soliciting the opinions of others on how to proceed. Good luck to you!

Dr. Dunc.

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Last updated on March 25, 2022

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